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Dear Aunt Calamity

Toward the end of an 11 hour stint of holiday shopping at a suburban mall, I suddenly - and quite involuntarily - climbed up to and across a balcony in the food court, snatched an American Flag off the pole, waved it about and began yelling, "We're the best. Nuke everyone!"

What the hell was that all about? Do you think I have Tourette's?

Chester K., Chicago, IL

Dear Chester:

No, but I do I think that, based on where you were, the time of year, and what you did points to a rare but seemingly pronounced episode of "transitory lyric extended hypnotic psychosis:" a condition in which one is suddenly agitated to action following a very long period of exposure to a misinterpreted subliminal message.

The next time you're in the mall, just remember: it's "Jingle" Bells NOT "Jingo" Bells.