On the web, men are pigs. In real life, men are real pigs.

Welcome to the world of internet dating! Within this exciting new social network, one can hide behind a detailed facade of fabrications and lies which, until now, has been a luxury reserved for CEOs and elected officials.

And what convenience! Back in the day, meeting new friends required time, money and the possibility of public humiliation. The web has changed all that by enabling those of us seeking love to make utter fools of ourselves in front of millions, from the safety and comfort of our own homes!

Read on, good hunting and may you find what you desire - or at very least, what you deserve!

Creating A Personal Profile Screen Name

Your personal profile screen name is the one of the first impressions you'll make on a prospective partner. It's important to give some thought to this seemingly innocuous but extremely important detail.

For example, "CityCowgirl5280" conjures up an image of a breezy gal who's comfortable in a little black dress or boots and jeans, and probably lives in Denver.

On the other hand, "UrbanSow4000" would probably suggest a cantankerous Fräulein who spends her leisure time mindlessly bulldozing through all-you-can-eat buffets.

You can see right away that it's all about the details.

Below, I've listed some words to use with caution; while they may endear you to your same-sex friends, they could have less than desirable consequences if incorporated into your screen name.

Be willing to spend some time fine-tuning your name! Patience and repeated editing are the building blocks of good writing.

Here's what a little extra effort did for our lady's screen name:

And here are some good rewrites of our gentleman's screen name:

So-so: Good: Better: Best:

FatStupidLecherousPig AllAmericanNiceGuy RichHotAndGullible BillionaireWithPacemaker

In Summary: Spend a little time thinking carefully about the image you wish to project, and it will pay off later.